A Typical American

Bloody Bike Brigade

I'll tell you what, the best complement you can get over here is "You don't seem like a typical American." I've heard that one many times. It's good to know that people aren't confusing me with all of those arrogant frat boys and conceited party girls that come to study abroad over here. When I first came here, I was living in this place that was filled with American yuppies studying for their "year abroad" at their parent's expense, and I can tell you that these people have no idea how the world works. They definitely feel that the world owes them and that they deserve everything they get and the sad part is the world seems to work just for them. I heard people talking about spending the summer in New Zealand and surfing and going to the beach and what the hell don't these people work?! No way!

My old man works at the Albany Paper Mill, and I'll tell you what, every time I talk to him on the phone he's telling me about working those sixteen hour days and I just told him that my job over here just got some more work in after a long time of nothing and he says "You better take as many hours as you can get." Nothing about how I'm getting on with my expenses, rent, whatever. Just get your ass in there and make some money. That's what's real.

Check this out: I remember the first day that I came to Australia and I already had a place to live arranged, so when I got there, I went into the office to check in. There were two other Americans standing at the counter checking in, so I just waited and listened to them talk. This guy, oh man, I was trying so hard to keep from laughing. There was this beautiful party girl there and he starts talking to her and says "So where are you from?" and she says Connecticut and he says, "Really! I'm from Jersey! blah blah blah yeah, I go to Cornell blah blah blah..." Cornell is one of the seven Ivy league schools in the U.S. Just listening to him talk like he owned the world, it was incredible.

I later saw that same guy in the elevator. I was wearing a Chemeketa Community College shirt and he was just staring at my shirt. I know what that son of a bitch was thinking. I looked that motherfucker straight in the eyes and he wouldn't even look away. He just looked at me like I was nothing. Like I was his daddy's boot shiner...

Another time I was in the elevator and there were these guys in there and one of them had a bottle of wine. His friend asked him if it was any good and he said "Yeah, this is blah blah. 2002 was a good year." He was completely serious. This guy was only like 20 years old. Yuppy culture. I bet these people have never met anyone who actually lives in reality in their entire life....

Tales from the Korean Grocery Store

Bloody Bike Brigade

There's a Korean grocery store down the street from my apartment and sometimes I go there to buy this Korean liquor called "Soju" and check out the girls. I've discovered anyone can be Korean as long as they can drink Soju. That's some good stuff. Once you've had some of that, it doesn't matter what language you speak or what country you come from, you can talk to anyone. So since I discovered Soju, I've had some funny experiences at the local Korean store. Usually, the staff there don't speak any English so I asked my roommates to teach me some Korean. So I went in there and I said "Anyoung ha se yo" which means something like "Hello, how are you?" and then I asked for some Soju.

First, you've gotta know that it's illegal for grocery stores to sell alcohol here in Australia, at least in New South Wales, so the Korean stores are selling this stuff illegally. So that means you gotta keep it on the downlow. You have to ask for it because they don't keep it on the shelves. Anyone who knows the code knows that you can buy this stuff there, but only the Koreans know the code so someone like me asking for Soju is totally insane.

The first time I tried to buy some, the girl behind the counter just looked at me in disbelief. How does this guy know about Soju?! A few more times and I started talking in Korean. I said "Anyoung" and the girl working there laughed at me. I thought that was really funny. Then I learned some more words and the next time I went in there and I said something in Korean and then the girl started talking to me in Korean. So I just assumed that she was asking how many bottles I wanted because they always ask that and I just held up one finger and then she kept talking to me in Korean. The Korean grocery store is so cool.

The next time I went there, it was really busy and this Korean guy was standing next to me when I asked the girl at the counter for Soju. The guy was really surprised and asked the girl if I was buying Soju. Then when I was leaving and I had the bottle in my hand the guy looked at me and was nodding his head like "Hell yeah, that guy knows what's good." The last time I went in there during the day to buy some noodles because I stole some noodles from one of my roommates because I ran out of food, and these two girls were in there and they were staring at me and pointing and talking in Korean. Ha ha ha!

Toilet Humor

Bloody Bike Brigade

I've noticed the students here just trash the university. There's grafitti everywhere. In the bathrooms, on the desks and tables, on the sidewalk. There's even a special grafitti tunnel where students can spray paint anything they want. Anyway, there's some great wisdom to be found when you're contemplating the universe on the toilet here. I was in the bathroom at the University of Sydney library today and I read the most hilarious thing on the toilet paper dispenser. The writing on the wall today was spot on. It said, "A University of Sydney Bachelor of Arts degree: take one" and there was an arrow pointing at the toilet paper. Ha! Ha! Ha! Toilet humor never fails. Then another one said, "I wish I could get a degree in shit humor." That's perfect. I think I got one of those from Chemeketa. What a scholar. Another thing that's really funny is that Australians use the word "toilet" to refer to the whole bathroom, so sometimes people say some hilarious things like "My friend and I were in the toilet." ppffffff.

There’s something on my mind other than a girl?! Pppfffff.

Bloody Bike Brigade

You know the Pirate found some treasure over here in Australia, but I'm not sure how much it's worth just yet. I'll find out by July...

1. Best bar in Sydney: The Hero of the Waterloo. Sunday night is Irish night. That's all I gotta say....

2. I still listen to punk music.

3. I haven't decided whether Chana is hot or not yet.

4. There's no booty in the Pirate's treasure chest.

5. I miss the rain. And the snow.

6. I don't think I got any girls checking out this site but if they were they would probably think Paul is cool and Chris sucks.

7. I'm still trying to rationalize spending $200 for a new set of cranks. I guess I have to put my bike back together before Paul gets here.

8. The girl I was telling you about wants to watch me ride. I better get my bike back together for her too.

9. I find the best places to ride and then Paul gets us kicked out when I'm not there.

10. Good non-punk song: "Born in the U.S.A." Bruce Springsteen.

11. "Foreman said these jobs are goin boys, and they ain't comin back." - "My Hometown."

12. Punk album of the month: The Drapes "A Walk in My Life."

13. Nothing ever happens to me, but if it did I might post it here.

Out South

Bloody Bike Brigade: Flat Rules

Yeah, so this one time Paul and I were at Los Arcos out south and we were just heading out after some drinks and too much free chips and salsa (man, I miss those free chips). On the way out, there were a couple of transvestites leaving at the same time. They must have came out there after the 300 Club closed and they were really drunk. So Paul, what a smartass, he says to this blond one, "Hey, is that your real hair?" and she/he says "Yeeaahhh?!" And then I'm trying to get into the car while Paul keeps on talking. Then right as we're driving off, they decide to put on a little show for us. Let's just say one started going down on the other and Paul's trying to cover his eyes while I'm honking the horn and shaking my fist in the air. I think Paul lost his innocence that night. Oh, man. Friday night in Salem. Good times....